The population of Denver continues to swell rapidly, and newcomers are showing up at our doorstep each and every day. But if you ask any self-respecting Mile High resident, they’ll tell you straight up that you should never move to Denver – never, ever. From gaping potholes and summer snow showers to an over abundance of beer and outdoor activities, here are 22 reasons to stay away from the Mile High City. I mean it.
- We live in a “bipolar vortex.”
Denver7 Truth. On November 16, 2016, temperatures in Denver leapt to 78 degrees, breaking a record high set in 1941. The very next day, on November 17, we got the first snow of the season.
- That’s right, it snows when it wants in Denver…
Erin O./Flickr …especially in July.
- Denverites drive like maniacs…
Colorado Memes/Facebook …especially after a fresh blanket of snow falls or the roads are frozen over with black ice. If anything, it fuels the agro-Colorado-driver’s fire.
- The Mile High City is full of Peter Pans.
Colorado Memes/Facebook The syndrome is real.
- Like I was saying.
Colorado Memes/Facebook Only in Denver, indeed!
- The struggle of being a Broncos fan is real.
Denver7/Facebook Who else is still feeling the pain of that Chiefs loss!?!? Gut punch.
- The struggle of living at high altitude is real.
Colorado Memes/Facebook You’ll never be able to get drunk at sea level again. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
- If you order a grande skinny mocha latte at the neighborhood coffee shop, the barista will look at you like an alien.
Bill L/Flickr What the heck is a venti?
- You’ll become a coffee snob.
Downpours Coffee/Facebook The Mile High City has so many charming coffee shops and local roasters, it’s darn near impossible to pick a favorite. (Note: Starbucks is for losers.)
- You’ll become a beer snob.
On.My.BigfOot/Flickr With over 50 craft breweries in the Denver city limits and more than 200 in the state of Colorado, you can’t help but become a beer snob (aka connoisseur). Long live the microbrew!
- People will continually make lame pot jokes when you tell them you live in Denver.
Quickmeme.com Just because it’s legal, doesn’t mean everybody’s doing it. Or are they?
- This is how you’ll have to spend all your weekends…
Adventurejay.com …all ski season. Don’t even think about staying in the city after a fresh dump. That would be sacrilege!
- Because you could easily go to bed like this…
Bo Insogna/Flickr Gross.
- …and wake up like this.
Urbanicsgroup/Flickr Colorado truly has too much beauty for transplants to handle. For your own safety, steer clear! You’ve been warned.
- The Mile High sunshine and scenery eventually get old.
AJ Schroetlin/Flickr Hideous. Repulsive even.
- Sometimes it snows.
Scott Ingram/Flickr A lot. And nobody likes to play in the snow. Am I right?
- Other times we even have near white out conditions.
MAD Hippies Life/Flickr Seriously folks, it’s the type of weather that warrants staying indoors and drinking hot tea while listening to records. Is that boring or what?
- Morning walks can be quite brisk.
Chris Bartle/Flickr We’re talking hats, mittens, scarves, boots, coats, and all sorts of other accessories you’ll have to purchase.
- Cold + snow + ice + salt = giant pot holes.
EZ Street Cold Asphalt/Facebook And flat tires.
- You’ll be forced to spend time in nature and to embrace moments of deep understanding and solitude.
Cathy McCray/Flickr Tranquility in the city? Ugh.
- Because the surroundings are so beautiful, you’ll never want to leave.
Ryan Fonkert/Flickr
- Like I was saying.
Zach Dischner/Flickr Hoards of people are moving to Denver every day. Don’t join them. What do you want to be? A robot?
Another reason to avoid the Mile High City is that 16 million flatlanders visit every year, and here are 20 Surefire Ways To Spot A Tourist In Denver.
Denver7
Truth. On November 16, 2016, temperatures in Denver leapt to 78 degrees, breaking a record high set in 1941. The very next day, on November 17, we got the first snow of the season.
Erin O./Flickr
…especially in July.
Colorado Memes/Facebook
…especially after a fresh blanket of snow falls or the roads are frozen over with black ice. If anything, it fuels the agro-Colorado-driver’s fire.
The syndrome is real.
Only in Denver, indeed!
Denver7/Facebook
Who else is still feeling the pain of that Chiefs loss!?!? Gut punch.
You’ll never be able to get drunk at sea level again. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
Bill L/Flickr
What the heck is a venti?
Downpours Coffee/Facebook
The Mile High City has so many charming coffee shops and local roasters, it’s darn near impossible to pick a favorite. (Note: Starbucks is for losers.)
On.My.BigfOot/Flickr
With over 50 craft breweries in the Denver city limits and more than 200 in the state of Colorado, you can’t help but become a beer snob (aka connoisseur). Long live the microbrew!
Quickmeme.com
Just because it’s legal, doesn’t mean everybody’s doing it. Or are they?
Adventurejay.com
…all ski season. Don’t even think about staying in the city after a fresh dump. That would be sacrilege!
Bo Insogna/Flickr
Gross.
Urbanicsgroup/Flickr
Colorado truly has too much beauty for transplants to handle. For your own safety, steer clear! You’ve been warned.
AJ Schroetlin/Flickr
Hideous. Repulsive even.
Scott Ingram/Flickr
A lot. And nobody likes to play in the snow. Am I right?
MAD Hippies Life/Flickr
Seriously folks, it’s the type of weather that warrants staying indoors and drinking hot tea while listening to records. Is that boring or what?
Chris Bartle/Flickr
We’re talking hats, mittens, scarves, boots, coats, and all sorts of other accessories you’ll have to purchase.
EZ Street Cold Asphalt/Facebook
And flat tires.
Cathy McCray/Flickr
Tranquility in the city? Ugh.
Ryan Fonkert/Flickr
Zach Dischner/Flickr
Hoards of people are moving to Denver every day. Don’t join them. What do you want to be? A robot?
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